Tommeka Semien

Surviving Middle School With Daughters

Tommeka Semien
Surviving Middle School With Daughters

Middle school is the pits.  Your elementary student transforms, seemingly overnight, into this being that is far removed from the cuddle bug that you've cherished for years.  Your middle school student turns into a smelly, snarky, sneaky, selfish strange being.  But you still have to love it and impress upon it that school is important, that friends are fare weather, and that drop-outs do not rule the world.

SMELLY

That's right.  I said it... middle school girls are smelly (just like boys).  They have a variety of hormones floating around in their system.  Elementary stink transforms into something hideous and offensive.  So what shall we do?  All girls need a little personal hygiene kit.  What should go into it?

  • feminine hygiene products
  • wipes--flushable toddler wipes are my favorite...  they swipe away stink and makeup
  • deodorant
  • extra undies
  • hair ties and bobby pins
  • lip gloss
  • lotion

SNARKY

The first time that I experienced the middle school sense of humor I became really annoyed.  I thought to myself, "what in the world."  However, once you get a group of middle school girls together, you soon realize that they are all a bit snarky and gossipy and petty.  My advice is to just ignore it or you'll hate all of your kid's friends and be paranoid about them leaving the house.

They will go though phases where they change friends.  Their best friend from kindergarten will be stolen by their best friend from third grade.  Groups of girls will hang together without your daughter.  You'll be worried that your kid is being left out.  Of course she might be, or she could just be into getting her beauty sleep and taking endless selfies.

You will become the butt of their jokes.  Your music is too old.  You're too old to listen to their music.  Your dress is too short (and maybe it is but so what).  In general, you will be criticized mercilessly.  They will smile as they do it.  You, Mom, will be confused.  You won't be able to tell if they are enjoying your company or being annoyed by it.  Your daughter will be happy, sad, angry, tired and teary-eyed all within the hour.

SNEAKY

Sneaky is not necessarily used to describe a bad kid.  Instead, it is used to describe any kid who would like to spend time with their friends. Your middle school daughter will make plans to hangout with her friends.  When you say no, she will say "but everyone else is going."  When that doesn't work, she will announce that Ms. XXX is letting her daughter xxxxxx go.  To which you make a phone call and learn that you along with four other parents have been bamboozled.  Even worse, the hosting parent somehow missed the memo that she was hosting "the girls" for the night...  better yet the weekend.

Eventually, you learn to just go with it.   You'll even come up with some strategies to help you be ahead of the sneak-fest.

  • Set rules for hanging with friends and stick to them.  Our only real rule is that we do not have anyone sleep over during the school week. This rule has been broken but only for good cause.  In our case, the rule is broken when we have more than one place to be at the same time in the morning. At one point, I had four kids at four different schools...  do the math.
  • Pack a bag and keep it in your car.  Don't be afraid that the bag makes you look like you are eager to ditch your kids.  The bag is for your sanity.  On the occasions when the invitation to hang out or spend the night comes at the last minute you won't have to drive 90 minutes round trip to pack an over night.
  • Keep extras at home.  A few things that you might want to keep are extra toothbrushes, bathing suits, beach towels, underwear (just buy a few packs of granny panties when they are on sale), flip flops, t-shirts, shorts, jeans, etc.  In the event that you are the last minute hostess, you'll have supplies on hand so the friend's parents don't have to make a 90 minute trip either.

SELFISH

Middle school children are all about the party.  The party could be just about anything.  Sometimes the party could be getting to school by 7am so that they can eat the good breakfast (even if you cook breakfast at home).  Your middle school child will try you.  She may pout, fold her arms, stomp, cry, and in general express her displeasure.  

Your middle school daughter does not care about your calendar, your social life, or your wallet.  She doesn't even care about your work schedule.  Most certainly, she doesn't care about anyone else's plans.  Her eye is on the prize.  The prize is some person, place or activity that is way more fun than you are.  

Don't let your middle school daughter break you.  Pick your battles.  If she wants to go to every basketball game, try a compromise.  Perhaps she can attend one home game per week. Whatever you do, don't let her suck you into the world of high pitched voices and tears.  Remember, you were once a selfish teenager too.

STRANGE

Seventh grade was the year from hell for all three of my girls.  With my oldest, it was my first time experiencing the onset of puberty.  For my second, she found herself with time on her hands after-school for the first time since pre-K.  For my third, she made me recognize that "hangry" is real.

This is also the age where they began to look different.  They seem to be more mature.  I probably messed it up with my first daughter, but with the other two, we seriously worked on a transitional hair style.  Please do not send your middle school daughter to the first day of school (and definitely not on picture or ID day) sporting the same hair-do from fifth grade.  

The most disturbingly strange thing that happened in middle school was that my girls developed an aversion for lunch.  Though they had previously enjoyed school lunch or a bagged lunch, they magically weren't hungry during the day.  They arrived to the car famished.  After a while, we decided to load their lunch box with extra snacks.  Problem solved...  snacks during the day, lunch in the pick-up line.

If you're new to the middle school scene, you should look forward to the ups and downs.  You will see your middle school daughter blossom into a semi-independent pre-teen / teen.  In a few weeks, I'll have an update on sixth grade boys.  They too are likely smelly, snarky, sneaky, selfish and strange.