I try not to brag on my kids. Not because I am not proud of them, but because I don't want them to be afraid to fail. With all of the stress that they have with school, friends, and worrying about their future, I don't want them to ever feel like their choices will disappoint me (and some of their choices will).

So if I don't brag on my kids, how to do I show my support to them? I try to help them make wise choices. I discuss scenarios based on possible decisions. I give them second chances. I show up when they need me. I give them kisses.

Mostly Wise Choices

Being a kid in today's technology-driven society can be tough. I am not a fan of the "kids today" cop-out. Instead, I say that they have more opportunities to drum up a bad plan. When I grew up, we could only be sneaky in person or over the phone. Now, you can engage in a plan fueled by bad ideas and hormones with not only your friends but with perfect strangers and at any time day or night as well as from any location.

Recently, I received a text from one of my children asking if they could hang with friends. Here is my response:

First, I need to admit that I make mistakes. I had a few typos... "girl in girl" should have read "girl on girl" bygones... I sent the text to the wrong kid. Second, the kid who needed the text was like "what is wrong with you." Third, I take heed from prior misunderstandings, cable television, the news and advice from other parents. If you don't ask, they won't tell or think or call for help.

Decisions, Decisions

There is a list of possible results for every decision. Two siblings, same age at time of incident, same concern.

FIRST KID

Mom: Please brush your teeth.

First kid: I did.

Mom: It doesn't smell like it.

First kid: looks at me blankly

Mom: The kids are gonna make fun of you.

First kid: They can't, it isn't acceptable to make fun of your friends.

Mom: Not to your face.

First kid: Huh???

THIRD KID (dialogue about second kid is coming)

Mom: Please brush your teeth.

Third kid: I did.

Mom: It doesn't smell like it.

Third kid: looks at me blankly

Mom: The kids are gonna make fun of you.

Third kid: I don't care.

Mom: looks at kid blankly

Third kid: scowls and walks away

As you can tell by this exchange, you need to be quick on your feet and able to offer a sound clap back for multiple scenarios. The first kid listens mostly. The third kid still doesn't care. The second kid has always been of the "acting first and thinking later" variety.

SECOND KID

With the second kid, we never had the tooth brushing conversation. Why? When she was a toddler, as I was requesting that she walk not run and use the steps, she ran up a handicap accessible ramp, fell on her face, and knocked out half a tooth. The next week, she got a root canal and a crown. All of this happened before she was an independent tooth brusher. She has always had great oral hygiene. She always learns the hard way.

Second chances are pretty important. Though I have threatened punishment until age 18, I have not been able to do it. For starters, a punished kid does one of two things--stay in their room or follow me around. Both options suck for me. With option one, I am constantly checking on them and feeling nervous that they are unreasonably sad about their actions and the punishment. With option two, I seem to get the short end of the stick. For instance, the third child had an extended punishment (for everything from bad behavior to bad grades). After about a month of her punishment, I realized she went everywhere with me--to dinner with my friends, to shop, to the spa, to run errands, even on a girls weekend trip. My friends pointed out that she was definitely making the most out of her punishment.

Needless to say, that punishment ended with her being able to relay to dad what I did during my free time. It also taught her that grown up fun isn't all bad. Unfortunately, she had another slip with the grades and lost her privileges again. After a few weeks, the grades got better and when the report card arrived, I was pleasantly surprised. When I asked if she was happy about her grades and proud of herself, she said not really. So I said, "Did the punishment make you get better grades?" Her response, "You and dad seem happy when my grades are good. I figure if you are happy, I can not be punished and that makes me happy." Sweet... Whatever works!

Be There When They Need You

I am always around (sometimes napping in the parking lot). However, I try very hard to be there when they need me...

Choir festival
Hospital trip
Cheer camp
Track meet
Break up
Ice cream
Baseball
Awards day
Pep rally
First day of school
Algebra problem
College course review
Deceased guinea pig
Frenemies
Hospital trip (we have had multiple trips)
Etc...

It took me a while to figure out when my kids needed me. I finally realized that if they told me about it, even in passing, they expected me to be there. Luckily, I have had the flexibility to be there for them most of the time. And when I can't, I have been blessed to have a family member or friend sub for me.

Source:  https://pixabay.com/ — Source: https://pixabay.com/

Though we don't always see eye to eye, we still give a half hug or head-butt kiss when we say goodbye. On occasions when we are expecting to see each other soon, we wish each other great luck, hopes for a good day, and sometimes exchange "I love you" before going out separate ways.